r o s a c o l a

I moved...

2010-03-19T09:38:00.002-04:00

I have officially moved to

http://www.roccocapra.com

I will not be updating this blog site anymore. So come over to the new site and enjoy some fellowship.

Rocco

Thought for the day

2010-01-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

If I know who I am in God’s eyes and His love for me, then your words won’t hurt me.

And if I love you, like God loves you, then my words won’t hurt you.

Rain...

2010-01-06T21:55:00.002-05:00

This is my favorite Nooma video.

"It will rain. It always does."

"Dad knows the way home!"

How has God shown His love to you recently?

God is Love...

2010-01-03T15:30:00.004-05:00

I just love this song! I hope it encourages you this new year...
This new decade!

How has God shown His love to you recently?

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T09:34:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking for weeks now, how I do not want this Christmas time to be filled with empty religious activities, to fly by and leave me wanting more. I want more then presents. More then the rituals that take place year after year after year.

Love entered the world 2000 years ago or so. Think about that, and let it guide you through this Christmas. Don't just be grateful for God's love shown to you, but...

Love others!

Oh Bugger!

2009-12-18T12:44:00.015-05:00

One of the people I recently started to follow on twitter asks...

Do you cuss?

Excellent question. Cuss words are cultural. Some words we use everyday in America are quite vulgar in other cultures. Likewise, some cuss words in other cultures are no big deal to us.

That said to point out, it is not the word.

I grew up with an alcoholic dad that used the ‘big’ cuss words all the time. Thus they were ingrained into my vocabulary. I use them often, not out of anger or hate, just as words, adjectives, verbs, what have you.

I lived with many years of shame from the ‘religious’ telling me how evil and bad I was to use such words. I tried with all my might to stop. it never worked.

When I finally realized how much God loves me (yes even After becoming a Christian), that He was in the business of restoring and healing my heart (not washing my mouth out with soap). I was able to let go of the shame, and the effort, and simply rest in Him doing what He does best. (If that makes sense to you.)

Do I still cuss? Yep. But God loves me and is still restoring and healing my heart! (Rom 8)

Rocco
Rohon!

Restore the places long devastated (part II) ...

2009-12-15T12:47:00.002-05:00

...So the weekend of October 16th I placed the cornerstone in the foundations of the future.

I went to a Daddy Daughter camp with my two girls. This was a first for me, as a daddy or a son. Let me tell you, we had an awesome time! Crud wars, climbing walls, zip lines, crafts, an awesome time! So, as the last day of the weekend was coming, the enemy really kicked my but. I was up all night with a headache and nausea. I was hearing all morning

"I need to leave, I got a 6 hour drive home. What if I get sicker and end up driving home vomiting all the way? The schedule looks like they are gonna have a 2 hour church service this morning, you definitely don't wanna have to sit through that!"

I knew it was the enemy, I made no agreements. Then as the morning started I found out that the 'service' was a time for each dad to take his daughter up in front and speak a blessing to her, the light came on and then I knew what all the crap hitting me was about. I called Sandy and we prayed through it. I sat there watching every guy go up and bless their daughter(s), still feeling Very Sick. As I went up there with my girls, I shared with the guys about my family history, how important this 'blessing' is, and how extremely sick I felt as Satan opposed this, and asked them to pray for me. I immediately felt good and was able to bless my girls from my heart, without distraction. As I stepped off the stage, I felt as sick as I did before. It was a long drive home. It was a great weekend!

Before the weekend started I received an email from a great friend...

Rocco,

I love verse 4 in Isaiah 61. It’s about you and me. We are rebuilding, restoring and renewing all that has been devastated for generations. That is what you’ll be doing this weekend!

Have a GREAT time and enjoy Father’s smile on YOU as your girls enjoy your smile.

-Evergood

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

What devastated places has God restored in your life?

What devastated places do you need Him to restore?

Rocco
Rohon!

Restore the places long devastated (part I) ...

2009-11-28T21:04:00.015-05:00

18.5 years ago I became a Christian.

2.5 years ago I found my heart, resulting in my living in Father's love, and in love with Him. This all thanks to the books 'Wild at Heart' and 'Sacred Romance' by John Eldridge of Ransomed Heart.

This past summer I went on a road trip with the family, and part of that was a stop in Chicago where I got to spend some time with a couple of my Great Aunts. I quizzed them on my ancestry and found that as far back as they can remember, the men in the line of my family have been Emotionally/Mentally (sometimes physically) Abusive Drunks. It was very much my intention to ask, and find out as much as I could about my past. (Yes, I grew up in a home with an alcoholic dad.)

You may have heard of Craig McConnell from Ransomed Heart, about the story of his dad, step dad*, and grandfather. How his dad died in WW2 around the time he was born. Adopted by his step dad, Craig grew up knowing little, if anything, about his real dad and family. It wasn't until he was much older that he found out that his grandfather was the first missionary to a South American country. I wanted that. I was hoping to find out that my great Grandfather or distant relative was a great man. But, alas, no. No men of God, no missionaries, no inventors, politicians, business owners, nothing. ... Bummer.**

But Father came for me in that. Speaking into my life...

"Rocco you are that man! Generations will come, and look back at you with grateful hearts for being their forefather, a man who loves Me and who truly knows how much I love him!!. They will say 'It was my great great grandfather Rocco who first loved God.' Our enemy, Satan, has been working for four generations to take you out Rocco. You are that important, and he fears you!"

Wow.

Wow.

Question for you ... Do you know who you are in God's eyes?

...to be continued...

______________________________________________________

* http://www.ransomedheartblog.com/craig/2009/03/a-moment-in-time.html || Craig also talks about his “New Name” in the Wild at Heart Bootcamp CD series, it’s also told by John in his book, Wild at Heart, on page 21.
** But I did find out that one of my first cousins, whom I have not talked to for years (our dads had a falling out) is a Christian! OohRahh!!

My Journery...continued...to be continued...

2009-08-19T14:59:00.013-04:00

It has been a crazy couple years for me in my journey. As I first realized 2 years ago that I had asked the wrong question "What does the world need?", and asked "What makes me come Alive?". As I started to discover my heart, I started to pursue a career in Law Enforcement. I applied to 3 departments in and around Columbus.

That turned out to be an awesome adventure! I experienced a lot of growth in my masculine journey, physically, mentally, and emotionally through all the different processes I had to prepare for, and go through! As well as some growth as God's Son/Warrior/Beloved! There were some agreements broken and wounds healed. One overwhelming theme has been "You have what it takes." "You can do this." "See, I knew you could do that!" "Well done Son!" I think I blazed through a couple of the stages of the masculine journey in the past two years! I am still on the waiting list for one of the departments, and have been invited back to Columbus for the Oral Boards.

I know Father lead me to pursue that path, as much as I know that I am not on that path anymore by His design. Monday August 24th I officially started classes full time at BGSU/Online. Should take me a little over 2 semesters to finish my BS in Tech. Ed., then on to a Masters. Not sure what yet, knowing Father will tell me when I need to know (but leaning towards something in counseling). He is leading me to finish my BS and beyond into something more geared to my glory, the glory that He has bestowed upon me, and desires me to live in, His Glory shining through me.

I know I am on the right path, I know this because it is opposed. I press on, I have what it takes. I can do this.

Lauren's Dream...

2009-08-13T13:06:00.001-04:00

My daughter had a dream last December (I just found this, saved as a draft, and never published.)...

I was having a picnic with Connie and the Hexter kids at a small zoo. A man, the opposite of Jesus[False Messiah], was standing in front of the zoo telling everyone that if they wanted to get into the zoo they had to come talk to him. All the children go to him except the Hexters and me and Connie. He calls to us yelling "get over here". The Hexters try to get pass him with out saying anything. But the man hypnotizes them with a snake like stick with red eyes and a sharp point. All the children now have red eyes and are hypnotized.

A jail falls from the sky and now the whole zoo is in jail. I found some roller skates with bombs[rockets] on them and flew up to a cloud and hid behind it. I looked down and could see the jail[hell]. I rang hells doorbell and when the guard opened the door I sneaked in. I saw that everyone was being hypnotized with the wand and helmets. I popped the helmets off everyone and they aren't hypnotized anymore. I smashed a robot dog that had cameras all over it. I then saw a bright light and satan was there, and everyone was blind, he asked why I broke his dog. Then there was another bright light and God[Jesus] was there, and everyone could see again. Then there was a brighter light then all the others, I hid cause I was scared, but after that no one was blind[hypnotized] anymore. I looked up and saw Jesus and a frog[toad] and asked Jesus what the frog was. He said it was the False Messiah. Then the frog fell through the floor and you could hear it splat when it hit bottom. Then Jesus asked me to come to heaven with him. Then I was in Heaven.

This from the daughter who, while on our family vacation, bought a sling-shot and bow & arrows for souvenirs.

I have quite the Warrior Princess on my hands!!

Knighthood...

2009-05-31T10:46:00.016-04:00

My wife's birthday was coming up and I was asking Father what I should do or give her to make it special. (It wasn't a big year like 35 or 40 or anything that we usually make a big deal about, just thirty something. But I wanted to make it special anyway.) When He says,

"Knight her."

Ha ha, uh what? How do you knight a woman? That, that's a guy thing.

"Think about it, you'll figure it out." He said.

So I thought. After a few days I was thinking of the final battle in Lord of the Rings when Eowyn slayed the witch king, when Father shows up...and revealed Sandy’s part in His story and how it fits with my part in His story...

"Remember when you were preparing for the Boot Camp this past spring and were being attacked by the enemy? Remember Sandy showing up and fighting for you in that? Remember when you were struggling with questions of work and how she showed up and pointed out that you are a warrior made for battle, and this is just a time between battles? How that - like Eowyn who stood between the Nazgul and her uncle - Sandy bears her weapons well in the battle? She is a Shieldmaiden in my Kingdom, beautiful and strong in Heart."

-------------------------

At dawn on March 15, the Rohirrim rode into battle on the Pelennor Fields. Eowyn left her place in Elfhelm's eored and rode with the King's company, remaining near Theoden through the charge. Suddenly the Witch-king of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul, descended onto the field mounted on a Fell Beast. Windfola threw Eowyn and Merry in terror. When she saw that Theoden had been crushed under his own horse, Eowyn wept for she had loved him like a father and she confronted the Witch-king.

"Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!"

A cold voice answered: "Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye."

A sword rang as it was drawn. "Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may."

"Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!"

Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my
lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him." The Return of the King: "The Battle of the Pelennor Fields," p. 116

The Fell Beast shrieked and struck at her, but Eowyn stood her ground and she beheaded the evil creature with one swift and skillful stroke. The Witch-king shattered her shield and her shield-arm with his mace and she fell to her knees. The Witch-king prepared to deliver the death blow, but then Merry pierced the sinew of the his knee with his sword of Westernesse, causing the Witch-king to stumble.

Eowyn summoned her strength and thrust her sword into the space between his crown and mantle, and the Witch-king was vanquished. His robes fell empty to the ground and his spirit passed away with a shrill wail. Thus it was that Eowyn fulfilled a 1,000-year-old prophecy spoken by the Elf-lord Glorfindel that the Witch-king would not fall by the hand of man.

-------------------------

So I gave a little speach at her party and ended it like so...

For Years Sandy has fought hard for the hearts of her family. Especially mine.

She has taken up sword and shield often in the last 2 years as I have found my heart, and starting fighting for the hearts of other men. She has been a powerful ally against our enemy in the battle for God’s kingdom.

I just cannot think of going to battle without her at my side.

So as an Honor to her and a witness to all who came to her party, I presented her with a symbol of her Spiritual bravery, strength and wisdom. A replica of Eowyn's sword.

It was awesome, Sandy was really blessed. People were teary eyed. And men were bummed that I raised the bar so high for them :). And Sandy was reeeeally blessed!

Not many men can give their wife a sword for her birthday and pull it off - But I nailed it!

a trustable heart

2008-12-07T12:38:00.017-05:00

Last weekend I got together with a few Allies for a Guys Night Out. We had a great time. Since it is between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was greatly looking forward to it. If you are anything like me; I get overwhelmed with all the estrogen, religious baggage, commercialism of the holidays,

It was a good time. I enjoyed getting to know Phillip more. Hearing how the father has been working in his heart. As well as getting to share and listen to everyone's else heart. We watched a great movie. Spent the night. It truly was a good time.

Leaving in the morning I felt a little - unmet. It seems I had an expectation for God to show up in a way that he didn't, if that makes sense.

Not too long into the hour plus drive home, as I was listening to a CD Phillip gave me, God showed up.

It went a little something like this...

As I was listening to Phillips music, I wished that I was able to write things like songs and poetry, or anything eloquently for that matter.

I thought of a song that had a line something like "In my father's house" (not that one about the many rooms). Then it faded to more like "In my Father's arms". That's when God showed up.

I saw in that moment and every moment, before and after, I was in my Father's arms.

   "Rocco, do you trust Me?" God asked.
   "Uh, yes." I answered. (Almost asking myself.)
   "Do I give good gifts?" God Asked.
   "Yes." I answered.
   "Do you trust my heart?" He asked.
   "Yes."
   "Did I give you a new heart?"
   "Yes."
   "Would I give you a bad heart?"
   "No."
   "Then your heart is good."
   "Yeah."
   "If you trust My heart, you can trust your heart." God proclaimed.
   "So this doesn't have anything to do with poetry or music, does it? How do I 'not trust my heart'?"
   "You relinquish your authority. You let others make decisions for you."
   "But, that's cause I am trying to be nice."
   "No. You don't trust your heart. I have given you your heart, the desires of your heart, not for your benefit alone, but for all those in your life. They will miss out on great things if you don't trust your heart."

That's when the tears started flowing. I cried the rest of the way home pondering that. He was right. I let others make decisions based on the fact I don't trust my own heart. I believed my judgments and wisdom was not as good as others'.

What really sealed the deal for me was late that night as my family sat in the living room, Sandy my wife was reading the final chapter of The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis, the adventure is over and Good has prevailed. As Eustace and Jill prepare to return home, Caspian, who is now a young man again (cause they are in Heaven) asked to see their world...

   "Oh," said Caspian. "I see what's bothering you. You think I'm a ghost, or some nonsense. But don't you see? I would be if I appeared in Narnia now: because I don't belong there anymore.But one can't be a ghost in one's own country. I might be a ghost if I got into your world. I don't know. But I suppose it isn't yours either, now your here."
   A great hope rose in the children's hearts. But Aslan shook his shaggy head. "No, my dears," he said. "When you meet me here again, you will have come to stay. But not now. You must go back to your own world for a while."
   "Sir," said Caspian, "I've always wanted to have just one glimpse of their world. Is that wrong?"
   "You cannot want wrong things any more, now that you have died, my son," said Aslan.

God was sitting there, looking out of the corner of His eye at me, a gentle, slight smile on His face.

Lie identified, Agreement broken.

Rohon!

It's about the Heart.

2008-11-30T09:24:00.005-05:00

I have a very personal testimony concerning alcoholism, and the freedom God has brought to me in that area. You see, my dad is an alcoholic, he has been so my whole life. I have only known two short moments of my life when he was sober. My dad was very abusive verbally. And even though he and my mom never divorced, he was never a 'presence' in my life (or my brothers). At some point in my young life I determined to never drink. "It was evil and brought great pain to people", "I will never let it control my life". The problem is, it Did control my life. Even though I didn't drink, I was in bondage the same as my dad.

One day a few years ago, even before I read any of John E's books, God showed me that alcohol itself was not evil. Now I didn't run off to get drunk, But I had a peace like never before when it concerned alcohol.

As I started to read John's books God again came and Fathered me in this area. When you see and believe the fact that we have an enemy who is out to steal, kill, and destroy our lives, you see what the true evil is, satan. He stops at nothing to wound us and lie to us in order to get us to fall for lesser lovers. My dad did so to alcohol. Many people take their question / heart to the wrong source - "Do I have what it takes? Do I have something to offer? Am I loved? Do people like me? Am I really a Man/Woman? Etc....". The question then gets answered incorrectly or not at all, and satan is right their to seduce us to lesser lovers; alcohol, porn, food, drugs, sports, people, religion. Those things can only temporarily bring an answer, thus is born our addiction/slavery to it.

It all boils down to who or what we are taking our heart to? Unless we take it to God, we will live a miserable life. The lesser lovers will never fully 'complete' us. They are designed not to. Over eating a snickers is just as much a sin is over drinking alcohol. How many verses are there about being a glutton? Yet, look at our society (the US). We have more over weight people then we do drunkards, but being over weight is OK for some reason? At least you won't get openly judged like those who occasionally drink.

My whole life I avoided alcohol, but it was bondage all the same. I live in freedom now, not freedom to live a life of a drunkard, but freedom to have a beer or drink once in a while, and enjoy it.

A lot of former friends gasped at the fact that I will drink a beer considering my childhood, "How can you drink when your dad is an alcoholic?!? You've suffered so much pain!?", I've been asked more then once. My response? I point out the fact that one of my grandfathers molested children, should I then not have sex, or children even?

Where is your heart? Are you taking your need for Life = (Love, Acceptance, Affirmation, Validation, Identity, The deep needs of your heart, Etc.) to the Father? Or to food, drink, toys, games, cars, careers, women, sports, Religion etc.?

What is your relationship to God? I hope you are not living a life of duty, or religious obligation. I hope you are living in the Father's love, in love with him. I hope you are taking your heart to Him. Walking with Him, in the garden, holding hands, talking, laughing, being loved by Him, and loving Him. That's His desire, that's why He made us, that's what He longs for still.

The past few weeks God has been fathering me to fight for my dad's heart. Trust me when I say the thought of that is not easy! God is showing me that I have something to offer my dad, not as his son, but as a son of God. At some point before I was born my dad's heart was wounded, and satan seduced him to a lesser Lover (alcohol). The fight is not to show him how alcohol is a sin and how he needs to repent and ask for forgiveness. The fight will be for him to see God as his true love, the One who is pursuing him, Who delights in him as His son, His beloved.

It's about the Heart.

I am looking forward to the day of the Lord's return, when we will feast with him...

Isaiah 25:6 (NIV)
6 On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare
a feast of rich food for all peoples,
a banquet of aged wine—
the best of meats and the finest of wines.

...

The Hearts of my Girls (P. 3)...

2008-10-16T15:53:00.010-04:00

It seems of late that I have been doing a lot of fighting for the hearts of the ladies in my life...

A couple weeks ago my wife and girls stopped by a small local farm-slash-market that they frequent a lot. Low and behold the cats there had a litter of kittens. Now, we already have two cats in the house. They can be a real pain at times. Especially when they pee in my tool box!

Well, from that day on my youngest daughter insisted on visiting the kittens whenever we were in the neighborhood, matter of fact, we didn't have to be anywhere close for her to insist we go visit the kittens. No matter who she was with, Grandma, Grandpa, Oma, Opa, it was always "Let's go visit the kittens!" Of course there was the plea to bring one home every time we did visit them (which seemed like twice a day for two weeks). Anyway, I really didn't want to get another one...Then it occurred to me that this is something her heart really delights in. I have an opportunity here to fight for her heart, to be her Father. To delight in the things she delights in.

So we have a new kitten, and I kinda like the little rascal. Our other cats aren't too thrilled. :o)

Rocco

The Hearts of my Girls (P. 2)...

2008-10-16T15:52:00.010-04:00

It seems of late that I have been doing a lot of fighting for the hearts of the ladies in my life...

A month or more ago I was driving home from the in-laws with the girls, because Sandy was in Columbus tuning pianos. As we left, I had it in my heart to go down town and check out the pipe tobacco at the tobacco shop. When I heard Father say, plain as day, "Go to Jeff's and buy Sandy a wrap for her ring." Jeff is an old acquaintance who also is a 2nd or 3rd generation jeweler. His store is on the opposite side of the block from the tobacco shop. So I did. I found a really nice wrap that matched her marque diamond perfectly, and low and behold I got it for 50% its appraised value! My wife is still glowing from that one.

On top of that I was able to buy her a new(er) vehicle this past summer. We've really been blessed to be able to buy two fairly new vehicles this past year, paying cash for both! The Father sure knows how to give good gifts to His beloved! It's really cool how He's teaching me to do the same!

Rocco

The Hearts of my Girls (P. 1)...

2008-10-15T18:03:00.026-04:00

It seems of late that I have been doing a lot of fighting for the hearts of the ladies in my life...

My eldest daughter is quite the nature nut. She loves everything outdoors. This past summer she had a couple caterpillars she caught and was taking care of them until they became butterfly's. Note: they don't need much care other then some leaves in the jar. I am not sure what happened to all of them, but one I am confident of.

I was coming home from somewhere one afternoon, and my daughter was with me, as we came to the back door she stopped to check on the one cocoon that was left, of all her caterpillars. She stopped right in front of the door, I was instantly tweaked as she postponed my entering the house, as if there was something I was missing out on, maybe if it was raining, maybe if I had diarrhea, but it wasn't, and I didn't. She burst out in delight as she opened the top of the big plastic jar she kept the caterpillar/cocoon in. The very soon to be butterfly was just then breaking out of its cocoon!

I nearly blew it big time!! In my tweakness of being delayed in getting in the house, I was like "Ok, whatever, get out of the way." Then, Boom! A spiritual door just slammed in my face and Father said - "Rocco, you idiot! Don't blow this! This is an opportunity to Fight for your daughters heart! To be a father to her."

I stopped turned to my daughter and took delight in her delight. We watched this butterfly emerge from its cocoon right into her hands!! It was a Monarch! She held it from her fingers as it flexed its wings to dry them, until she finally transferred it to a bush. Then we watched it continue to dry its wings until it flew away.

I think I cried a gallon of grateful tears that night, thankful that Father showed up in time to father me, so I could be a Father to my daughter.

Rocco

Lightning bug ears and starfish poop...

2008-08-13T19:18:00.008-04:00

The other night my family and I were driving home from a friends house when my youngest daughter Lauren asks "How do you leave the world?" I was a little confused for a moment, but after some questions to get more info from her, we understood that she was asking how, say, an astronaut gets into outer space. (Of course, thinking to myself, I immediately had a short list of those I'd like to see leave the world. Oh, and a short list of those that seemed to have already left. ;) ) Anyway, it was cute. And we had a fun time explaining it the best we could.

Then last night the same daughter asked "Do caterpillars have spines (bones)? - "Do lightning bugs have ears?" - "Do starfish poop?" How adorable, what a treasure! I sat down with her for a spell at the pc and we looked up the questions on the web. We did find out that caterpillars do not have bones they have an exoskeleton. And although we couldn't find a definitive answer on lightning bug ears, lots of bug do have them. Just in weird places you wouldn't think of, like just below their knees, or right between their eyes. Apparently grandma already confirmed that starfish do poop.

What a delight! I really felt a joy in my heart as Lauren and I sat there together reading about that stuff. I thought, this must be how God feels when we spend time with Him. Actually, I felt His delight, in that moment, in being with me - with us.

Rocco

My Truck...

2008-08-07T19:56:00.008-04:00

Do you remember back at this post, I was looking for a truck? Well I did find one about a month after that post. And an awesome truck it is.

After going to see that truck in Toledo I looked at two or three more. One of which was just a couple blocks away from my house. It was a very well taken care of truck. Very clean and had the V6 engine I wanted in it. Unfortunately it was out of my price range. So as the weeks went on I went to Columbus and Delaware (OH) to look at a couple trucks. Both had high miles, poorly taken care of, and had the small V8 engine that I didn't want. I almost bought one of them thinking that since the cost was low enough I could fix the things that were wrong with it. But I didn't. At that point I was a little discouraged. But on the way home from there God prompted me to drive by and see if the price dropped on the truck down the road from home. It did. Right down to the price that - with tax and title - was exactly what I had set aside to spend.

This truck is in such good shape I didn't have to put any money into it (other then a tune up - but even before that it ran great). It's awesome, gets great gas mileage for a full size extended cab truck, has very little rust, no body damage, very clean interior, and everything works. It was right next to my house, God 'delivered' it to me!

I find great joy in giving good things to my daughters. Not just things that I think are good for them, but things they want, things that their hearts' desire. How true that is of my Father. He delights in giving me good things. Things my heart desires. His heart towards me is Good.

Mat 7:11b [CEV] ... But your heavenly Father is even more ready to give good things to people who ask.

Rohon!

(I'll post a pic soon.)
Here ya go:

What's in a name?

2008-06-11T07:48:00.019-04:00

Hmm, where do I start?...

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. He started drinking when he was in high school and hasn't stopped since. He puts down a liter of Gin or Vodka a day. In other words - He checked out of his life before I checked into mine.

Fast forward to the near present...
I didn't have a father to teach me what a man is. To teach me what Love is. To help me find my 'Heart'. I question my manhood - no answer. Do I have what it takes? - still no answer. Do I have anything to offer? - again, no answer. I'm asking 'man' and either there is no answer or the answer is 'no'. I, like many others, am asking 'my wife', my 'employer/career', my 'church leaders' etc., and they can't answer the questions either, or their answer is no. I secretly live in shame, fear, putting up a false 'Rocco' to others of what I think a man should be - desperately hoping that no one finds out who the true 'Rocco' is.

Fast forward to winter '07...
I was at an allies house as we were making our way through the Wild At Heart - Band of Brothers DVD study. We were in the section talking about God's true name for us, the one He will give us on a white stone as we enter Heaven, the name that will reveal who we truly are - our identity in the eye's of the Father. While we were discussing that topic, I, with no real hurry, sat back in my chair and thought to myself "I wonder what my new name will be?" God spoke ...He answered... "Rocco." "I gave you that name long before you were a thought in your father or mother's mind. I put that name on their lips." "That is who you are."

Up till then there was only a few times I heard the Father's voice like that. I was in awe, and yet, disappointed. Why couldn't it be something cool like all these other guys who were getting names like Excalibur, Evergood, Highlander? Why "Rocco", I have had that name my whole life? Don't get me wrong, I've always been proud of it, even though I got picked on alot for it.

So I thought I knew what my name means. Rocco = rock, right? Nothing wrong with that. Solid, strong, not easily swayed. But I thought there must be something more, something the Father wants me to know. I really started to dig deep for the meaning. After about a full day of digging - I found the following:

http://www.aboutnames.ch/HMR.htm
Language of origin: Old High German
Info about origin: from the Old High German name 'Roho' which was a short form of names like 'Rochbert' that are all but forgotten today
Words: rohon = to roar, to shout a battle cry
Variants: Rocco Italian

http://www.babynamesworld.com/meaning_of_Rocco.html
Meaning: Battle cry; rest
Origin: Germanic
Additional info: From the Latinised Rochus; in origin a Germanic name. It could be from either the Gothic 'hrukjan', Old German 'rohôn', 'to shout' - so 'battle cry' or from the Germanic 'hrok' - 'rest'.

http://www.namespedia.com/index.php/Rocco
Name: Rocco - Germanic
Gender: Masculine
location: Unknown location
Language: German
Thematic: Unknown Thematic
Meaning: War Cry; Battle Cry

The first time I read the first definition listed, God said "Rohon, You are My Warrior! You Will cry out for Me!" (Man, my body still tingles every time I remember that.) Wow! Validation from the creator of the universe, the Almighty God, our heavenly Father. The answer to my questions - "You are Loved! I Love you!" "You are a Man!" "You do have what it takes!" "You have so much to offer!" "I am at war and I need you!" - God.

The lifetime of doubt, shame, lies from satan, agreements made to the enemy (conscious and subconscious) that hovered over my life - GONE. God consumed it with the Fire of His words and it all crumbled to the ground like ash.

Jer 20:10 - 13 [ESV]
10. For I hear many whispering. Terror is on every side! "Denounce him! Let us denounce him!" say all my close friends, watching for my fall. "Perhaps he will be deceived; then we can overcome him and take our revenge on him." 11. But the LORD is with me as a dread warrior; therefore my persecutors will stumble; they will not overcome me. They will be greatly shamed, for they will not succeed. Their eternal dishonor will never be forgotten. 12. O LORD of hosts, who tests the righteous, who sees the heart and the mind, let me see your vengeance upon them, for to you have I committed my cause. 13. Sing to the LORD; praise the LORD! For he has delivered the life of the needy from the hand of evildoers.

Joel 3:10 [ESV]
Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears; let the weak say, "I am a warrior."

I AM GOD'S WARRIOR! HEAR MY CRY!!

Rohon!

Do you know who you are? Really know? Leave a comment and tell us who you are!

Fathered by the Father...

2008-05-21T17:26:00.001-04:00

I had a conversation with the Father the other day. it wasn't over some big life changing event, like what college do I go to, who do I marry, etc. It was over some every day common thing.

I have been looking for a new(er) vehicle lately because I am driving 15 and 24 year old cars. I have a stash of cash saved up from, work bonuses, and tax returns. I have spent months researching what to buy at Consumer Reports and MSN Autos. I finally found what I was looking for from a dealer in Toledo (2 hours from my house). The day I planed to go up there and check it out I was slammed with attacks from satan. That was no real surprise, I knew it was coming and why, the attack was at my heart, its 'goodness' and 'character'. "There is better things you need to spend this money on.", "This isn't the best type of vehicle for you." were the two major attacks all day. There was also some attacking from not so obvious directions, work was a real pain that day and the day before. One major issue unresolved would end up that 1000+ employees would not get a paycheck this week. By the end of the day I was frazzled.

Finally on the way home from work, a little overwhelmed, I thought I should call my ally and ask for prayer. Before I called, I reminded myself who I am in the Father's eyes, that I have a good heart, and I researched the crap out of this decision. That the Father gives me desires to follow, and wants to grant me those desires as I 'live' for/towards them. Right then God said "It's ok Rocco. You are right, I want you to have this." "Let's go get it." Wow! I was instantly cryin'.

I have heard the Father before, just in life changing events, nothing as simple as daily life decisions. This was awesome! But that wasn't all...

When we got there and started looking over the vehicle the Father showed up again, like it was my earthly father there helping me look this thing over 'fathering' me through buying a vehicle. "Look over here Rocco." "Look at this paint overspray, looks like they are hiding something" "Check this out. See that rust?" "Look under here, see that oil, that's not good." "That didn't sound good when it started." "Don't settle for this, there's a better one out there for you."

It was so freakin' awesome!

Not only that, Sandy and I had a total of four hours to drive to look at this vehicle, and we had a great time, talking about how God showed up for this, and sharing with each other! It was beautiful!!

Thanks Dad!
Rocco

Breaking more Agreements…

2008-03-28T16:42:00.000-04:00

This happened at work last week, it is funny how God will come when you least expect it, sometimes wishing He would wait for a more convenient time for you (I had to hide in the server room while I cried after this)…

A friend told me he was going to buy us some tobacco pipes to try. I was bummed because he wouldn’t tell me what kind he was going to get. I tried to not worry about it, trying to just blow it off.

Then while I was sitting at work trying not to fret about it…

God asked me, “Is his Heart good?” “Do you trust his Heart?” “Then what are you so anxious about?” Ouch! That was it, deep down inside there was this lack of trust. I didn’t want to not trust him, and I thought I did. There was the Father’s voice “Don’t you trust his Heart?” I know how He communicates to me, He was saying that “You don’t trust his heart”.

Then the Father revealed something…

…My whole life I have hated getting surprise gifts, especially when someone would tell me they are getting me something and I had to wait for it. I think it has something to do with the fact that when I was a kid it always ended up being something like hand me down socks and underwear. Granted, they had less holes and stains then my current ones, but it always fell short of my expectations.

God shown me that deep down inside, there are still some agreements to be broken. Now most were made as an effect from my shitty childhood. (Aren’t they all?) But there they laid, quietly, in the dark, affecting even my relationships with Good Hearted, Spirit-Filled friends.

Agreements broke! Wounds healing!

You see, even a year now into the Wild at Heart message, God is still Fathering me, healing wounds, helping me break agreements. The beauty of being on a journey with the Father.

Wow, sweet Liberty!! Thank you Dad.

I Love you Brother (you know who you are).

Rohon!

The Battle Rages On...

2008-03-21T23:53:00.000-04:00

That was funny, I was just getting started to write this when my oldest daughter comes up to me, asking to work together on getting lunch ready. Right there satan started in with his arrows “you ain’t got time for that, you got to post this blog” - Jerk - So I went into the kitchen with her and we got some lunch on!

Anyway to the post…

This has been an eventful week for me. Monday there was a leak in an office soaking some network equipment, taking two days to get it back online. Wednesday I worked with a consultant to upgrade a major application. Before that though, Tuesday as I was making sure some prerequisites where complete on one of the servers, I found Windows was all fubar’d, I had to re-build it from scratch.

A good thing in the midst of that though was God met my wife Sandy and I as we were reading through Sacred Romance together. (read all about that here.) So by Thursday, I was emotionally, mentally, and physically tiered. I was in a “fog”.

I did some talking with the Father and battling with the enemy, but the fog was still there. By late afternoon I was finally able to find the phone through the fog (mystically speaking), to call an ally. We talked and prayed, eventually discovering the key attack of the enemy. It all started to made sense! The sun came out, the Fog lifted, and the mist cleared. It was good.

You see, earlier in the week Sandy encouraged me to have some friends over since she was going to be out with the girls. I sent an invite, and all week I got “sorry can’t make it” or no response at all. The lies sneaked in unnoticed - “No one’s going to come. They don’t even read your email. Who would want to waste their time with you?” Even from work the lies were there - “If you were better at your job, non of these things would break”. Satan was working all week to soften me up and attack me at my weakest point. He knows that the Father has been healing the deepest wound of my heart this past year; Validation. I was caught off guard, satan hasn’t attacked that area in a long time…

It didn’t finally come together until later that night, when Sandy and I got back into Sacred Romance. Three paragraphs in I read…

…”In fact,” we continue, “if I am not pursued, it must be because there is something wrong with me, something dark and twisted inside.” We long to be known and we fear it like nothing else.

Yes, I have had great healing in my heart, being validated as a man by the Father. But just like how fleshly wounds leave scars, scars that are sensitive to the touch. That scar was attacked this week by satan.

As I laid in bed, my Father spoke…”I know who you are, I love who you are”. Wow, Thanks Dad.

My Birthday (well sort of)...

2008-03-18T20:50:00.001-04:00

Sandy and I have been reading through 'The Sacred Romance' by John Eldridge. Last night was a good night, in the fullest sense of the word. Although I cannot quite put into words what happened, I realize now that "nor should I try". So, as we were plugging our way through chapter six, titled 'God the Ageless Romancer', we approached the end of the chapter in the section subtitled 'Act III: His Heart on Trial', and in the middle of that, God came for us ... both. It was beautiful.

Can you imagine if on your honeymoon one of you sneaked out for a rendezvous with a perfect stranger? Adam and Eve kicked off the honeymoon by sleeping with the enemy. Then comes one of the most poignant verses in all Scripture. "What is this you have done?" (Gen 3:13) You can almost hear the shock, the pain of betrayal in God's voice. pg. 78

I started to picture that scene, focusing in on God's face, seeing the pain and anguish of his love betrayed. I wept. Sandy wept. We wept not because of what we did, or that part we played in that 'first sin', but because we saw into an intimate part of the Father's heart. In fact he was right there revealing His heart to us. Not focusing on the pain we caused Him, but the Deep and True Love He has for us, even still after that betrayal. It was beautiful.

So we started talking about the bible in whole, and Sandy asked about all the rules and commandments, why did God put all that in there if He didn't want us to follow them? Well John points out some scriptures just a little later in that chapter, and one is from Ezekiel...

"I will answer you according to your idols [your false lovers] in order to recapture your heart."

Wich is from : Eze 14:4-5 [NIV] Therefore speak to them and tell them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the LORD will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry. 5 I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.'

Be patient with me as I try to get the words that are in my heart out of my mouth (or fingers)....

The Father has been showing/teaching/speaking/fathering me in something for about 4 years, I'll try to summarize it - that life is about God's love for us and our love for Him. Basically what the Father has been showing me is that His Word, This Life, is about Love. A Love relationship with Him. Intimate, Passionate, Full. - although only this past year have I begun to truly understand and appreciate His love for me.

The truest thing about His heart is that He Loves us and wants us to Love Him. That because of our mistrust of His heart He has had to conform to the way we are bent on getting to Him. Does that make sense to you? Man cannot simply love God or be loved by God, he insists on a system to use, in order to prove his love and guarantee God's. So God, in His pursuit of us, will do (stoop to) whatever it takes to capture our hearts.

It is out of man's rebellion that God creates any of these rules and laws, if you will. Stay with me here. It is not His original intent. It is not the truest thing about His heart. Those things came after man's betrayal against God's love. All the law of the prophets was a result of man's betrayal of God's freedom and Love. When I look at all the old stories I see God lavishing His love to man, man betrays that love, then God creates a way for man to return to Him.

The truest thing of God is that he wants to walk with us in the garden as lovers. That is beautiful! The Father was right there saying "Rocco, Sandy, just know that I love you, and I simply desire your love for me.

Now don't go make agreements with the enemy as if I am saying you can go live a life of sin, cause God's gonna love you anyway. What I am saying is, I know God's love for me and my Love for Him. With that - all the other shit doesn't matter.

Mar 12:28-34 [CEV] One of the teachers of the Law of Moses came up while Jesus and the Sadducees were arguing. When he heard Jesus give a good answer, he asked him, "What is the most important commandment?" 29 Jesus answered, "The most important one says: 'People of Israel, you have only one Lord and God. 30 You must love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.' 31 The second most important commandment says: 'Love others as much as you love yourself.' No other commandment is more important than these." 32 The man replied, "Teacher, you are certainly right to say there is only one God. 33 It is also true that we must love God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and that we must love others as much as we love ourselves. These commandments are more important than all the sacrifices and offerings that we could possibly make." 34 When Jesus saw that the man had given a sensible answer, he told him, "You are not far from God's kingdom [God's Heart]."

To have Sandy hear, feel, and be a part of what God did last night, words cannot express what that did for my heart! So we laid there in bed talking, listening, pondering, praying, it was beautiful!

Rocco

So whats up with the title? - March 18th 1991 at 7:30p I gave my heart to God!

From John Eldredge...

2008-03-05T13:01:00.000-05:00

I get the intercessor emails from John, and this one is "Profound" (in the words of my wife Sandy)...

The primary enemy of the Gospel (and of our message and ministry) is the Religious Spirit, which, sadly, has a large part of the church in the U.S. under it's influence. This is nothing new. Where did the most constant and most intense opposition against Jesus come from? It wasn't Rome. It was the religious leaders. I mean, good grief, he heals a guy on the Sabbath and they want to kill him for it (John 7:14-24). You can see how intense this hatred and jealousy is. The enemy doesn't want the true Gospel getting out there. He's fine with all sorts of false versions (church-ianity, legalism, religion) but man o man does he hate the real thing. You see this down through church history, how men and women bringing the true Gospel are persecuted not by pagans but by the church. Paul is dumbfounded by the Galatians, who so quickly turned from the Gospel to add to Jesus "circumcision and keep the law." That's the Religious Spirit at work, bringing in something that sounds like righteousness and truth just enough to snare God's people back into bondage. And to de-fame Paul and his message to prevent it from spreading.

A friend just shared with us a story, how the leadership of her church told her "Captivating is from the pit of hell." Another man is reprimanded and then "silenced" by his pastor for teaching Wild at Heart. We also just learned that a denomination just banned our books from their church bookstores. This is the work of the Religious Spirit. I could tell you a lot more stories but I think you get the idea. It is so sad and it makes me really mad, because what we have to say is healing so many, drawing people back to God, bringing a genuine revival to God's people. Because it IS so powerful and so true, the Religious Spirit is defaming us, and trying to shut it down. He comes directly against us with assault and oppression of various kinds; he comes subtly out there to cause people to "question" the message. ...

John finishes the letter with a call to bind the religious spirit from Ransomed Heart. I would like to encourage you to do the same in your own life.

Mat 7:22-23 [CEV]: On the day of judgment many will call me their Lord. They will say, "We preached in your name, and in your name we forced out demons and worked many miracles." But I will tell them, "I will have nothing to do with you! Get out of my sight, you evil people!"

Rocco

Pray?

2008-02-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

The whole guilt thing about 'daily prayer' and 'daily quiet time', is an unnecessary burden too many of God's children carry. God fathered (freed) my out of that burden and guilt 3 years ago when he spoke to me that 'prayer' is not just the time you kneel next to your bed with your hands folded, eyes shut, and head bowed, it is a realization that He is present every moment of my life and He simply desires to talk with me, like friends on a park bench, or across the dinner table, or even on the bar stool next to me at the pub...It has truly disarmed satan's lies, like "Why bother? You haven't done it in weeks. What's the point? You'll never be a good Christian."

We are all trained by modern day religious institutions to set aside a time and place to have our "Quiet Time". If we are to be good Christians, that has to be something we do every day (along with the other thousands of rules and principals we need to obey and do, mind you). We are taught to do that, as if it is something separate from daily life. As if it is not part of life, like we have to step out of our daily life to do it. That if I was not able to check it off my daily task list I wasn't being a good Christian.

I used to think all the time about what I was going to pray when I had my time, and all the time I would be distracted just enough to never get around to that time. Days and weeks would go by before I would be ridden with guilt and finally kneel next to my bed, bow my head, close my eyes, and rattle off a bunch of apologies, requests, praises to some distant being. Then I found freedom from that ritual, God showed me that He simply desires to talk with me, like friends on a park bench, or across the dinner table, or even on the bar stool next to me at the pub. Now I pray all the time; in the shower, driving to work, while I wait for that server to reboot, on the john. I do not think about what to pray when I get around to doing it, I just pray, talk to that Father, right there in that moment, having a conversation with my Father. That is Prayer, that is Freedom, that is Life.

Rocco

A Father gives good things to His children...

2008-02-02T15:58:00.000-05:00

With joyful anticipation, I move forward to accept the good that awaits me. Do I often wish that I could see just around the corner in my life and know what is ahead? If I could see for myself that good awaited me, I would not hesitate to move toward my future! If I ever do feel hesitant, I take a spiritual attitude check: I release any false ideas that God would ever punish me or cause me pain. (those are lies from satan) I accept that God's plan for me includes blessings that are more fulfilling than any view of the future I could possibly imagine. I know what is true: God's will for me is good and only good! I am renewed by my belief in a divine plan that brings me joy. Incredible blessings await me - blessings I have never before experienced or even imagined I could experience - and I move forward filled with anticipation.

"Surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you future with hope." Jeremiah 29:11

More On Glory...

2008-02-02T15:56:00.001-05:00

Looking for a Glory We Know We Were Meant to Have
12/10/2007

The poet Yeats wrote,

If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror
No vanity’s displayed:
I’m looking for the face I had
Before the world was made.
(“Before the World Was Made” from the poem “A Woman Young and Old”)

Yes, that’s it. When we take a second glance in the mirror, when you pause to look again at a photograph, we are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have, if only because you know you long to have it. You remember faintly that you were once more than what you have become. Your story didn’t start with sin, and thank God, it does not end with sin. It ends with glory restored: “Those he justified, he also glorified” (Rom. 8:30). And “in the meantime,” you have been transformed, and you are being transformed. You’ve been given a new heart. Now God is restoring your glory. He is bringing you fully alive. Because the glory of God is you fully alive.

“Well, then, if this is all true, why don’t I see it?” Precisely. Exactly. Now we are reaching my point. The fact that you do not see your good heart and your glory is only proof of how effective the assault has been. We don’t see ourselves clearly.

(Waking the Dead , 78–79)

From The Ransomed Heart, by John Eldredge, reading 344
Ransomed Heart Ministries www.ransomedheart.com

Glory...

2008-01-06T14:43:00.001-05:00

Well, I know I do not post much, and I know that I write these as if someone actually reads them when I can be confident that no one does. But, I have to share this with you. Last November I was at a Men's Boot Camp fashioned after the Boot Camps of Ransomed Heart. One of the sessions is where I saw this video for the first time. I, unfortunately, cannot remember what the session was, or even what was said about the video, and how it related. But after viewing it again for the first time after a month I am reminded of what God spoke to my heart during that time...

"You are my Warrior, You will cry out for Me!"

You see, all my life I have struggled with confidence, acceptance. Even as a Christian for the past 16+ years. But this year has been different. This year I have found my true name. I have found my worth to God...

I have finally seen my enemy, and have learned his schemes, and lies. (It is sad that after 16 years someone has pointed out the role satan has in our lives, both as Christians and non. But that is another blog.) You see satan know who we are as God's Beloved, better then we do actually, and he fears that we will come to know who we are as God's Beloved.

So satan's task has been to blind me of who I am, to take me out, so that I would never know my Glory. It started long before I was even born. My dad is a second generation alcoholic. He came from a home broken by alcohol and divorce. His step father was an immoral un godly man. On my mother's side, she was born out of wed-lock and her step father was a child molester. As much of my memory I have from what I know of the generations before me, there has been nothing but pain, suffering, and failure. Why? Because satan knows that I am God's Beloved. My childhood was racked with doubts and fears of my future. I never had any fathering to teach me what a man is, or what options I had for my future. As a young adult and a new Christian I was full of doubts and questions as to who I was or what I was meant to be. satan was there all the time stoking the fuel to the fires of doubt, fear, insecurity, never wanting me to find out who I really am. (It is sad to say even, that after two years of being out of the institutional church that I found who I am, but that too is another blog.)

So here I am, God's Warrior, the barer of His Glory.

So this video is a great story. Paul Pots (not Pol Pots, way different story!) works at a place called The Car Phone Factory in Britain. He has always had this dream of singing opera. And I am sure he has had his share of 'enemies', and 'nay sayers' along the way. But this is the video of his first time on Britain's Got Talent (the show American Idol is ripped from), notice how 'yeah right' the judges are when he says what he is there to do. They judge him before they know him.

Then notice something else, Notice how the woman judge is 'captivated' by Paul as he bares his glory...

That my friends is nothing compared to what happens when we come to the full knowledge of, and bare our Glory as God's Beloved.

Enjoy...