Last weekend I got together with a few Allies for a Guys Night Out. We had a great time. Since it is between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was greatly looking forward to it. If you are anything like me; I get overwhelmed with all the estrogen, religious baggage, commercialism of the holidays,
It was a good time. I enjoyed getting to know Phillip more. Hearing how the father has been working in his heart. As well as getting to share and listen to everyone's else heart. We watched a great movie. Spent the night. It truly was a good time.
Leaving in the morning I felt a little - unmet. It seems I had an expectation for God to show up in a way that he didn't, if that makes sense.
Not too long into the hour plus drive home, as I was listening to a CD Phillip gave me, God showed up.
It went a little something like this...
As I was listening to Phillips music, I wished that I was able to write things like songs and poetry, or anything eloquently for that matter.
I thought of a song that had a line something like "In my father's house" (not that one about the many rooms). Then it faded to more like "In my Father's arms". That's when God showed up.
I saw in that moment and every moment, before and after, I was in my Father's arms.
"Rocco, do you trust Me?" God asked.
"Uh, yes." I answered. (Almost asking myself.)
"Do I give good gifts?" God Asked.
"Yes." I answered.
"Do you trust my heart?" He asked.
"Yes."
"Did I give you a new heart?"
"Yes."
"Would I give you a bad heart?"
"No."
"Then your heart is good."
"Yeah."
"If you trust My heart, you can trust your heart." God proclaimed.
"So this doesn't have anything to do with poetry or music, does it? How do I 'not trust my heart'?"
"You relinquish your authority. You let others make decisions for you."
"But, that's cause I am trying to be nice."
"No. You don't trust your heart. I have given you your heart, the desires of your heart, not for your benefit alone, but for all those in your life. They will miss out on great things if you don't trust your heart."
That's when the tears started flowing. I cried the rest of the way home pondering that. He was right. I let others make decisions based on the fact I don't trust my own heart. I believed my judgments and wisdom was not as good as others'.
What really sealed the deal for me was late that night as my family sat in the living room, Sandy my wife was reading the final chapter of The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis, the adventure is over and Good has prevailed. As Eustace and Jill prepare to return home, Caspian, who is now a young man again (cause they are in Heaven) asked to see their world...
"Oh," said Caspian. "I see what's bothering you. You think I'm a ghost, or some nonsense. But don't you see? I would be if I appeared in Narnia now: because I don't belong there anymore.But one can't be a ghost in one's own country. I might be a ghost if I got into your world. I don't know. But I suppose it isn't yours either, now your here."
A great hope rose in the children's hearts. But Aslan shook his shaggy head. "No, my dears," he said. "When you meet me here again, you will have come to stay. But not now. You must go back to your own world for a while."
"Sir," said Caspian, "I've always wanted to have just one glimpse of their world. Is that wrong?"
"You cannot want wrong things any more, now that you have died, my son," said Aslan.
God was sitting there, looking out of the corner of His eye at me, a gentle, slight smile on His face.
Lie identified, Agreement broken.
Rohon!
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