What's in a name?

Hmm, where do I start?...

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. He started drinking when he was in high school and hasn't stopped since. He puts down a liter of Gin or Vodka a day. In other words - He checked out of his life before I checked into mine.

Fast forward to the near present...
I didn't have a father to teach me what a man is. To teach me what Love is. To help me find my 'Heart'. I question my manhood - no answer. Do I have what it takes? - still no answer. Do I have anything to offer? - again, no answer. I'm asking 'man' and either there is no answer or the answer is 'no'. I, like many others, am asking 'my wife', my 'employer/career', my 'church leaders' etc., and they can't answer the questions either, or their answer is no. I secretly live in shame, fear, putting up a false 'Rocco' to others of what I think a man should be - desperately hoping that no one finds out who the true 'Rocco' is.

Fast forward to winter '07...
I was at an allies house as we were making our way through the Wild At Heart - Band of Brothers DVD study. We were in the section talking about God's true name for us, the one He will give us on a white stone as we enter Heaven, the name that will reveal who we truly are - our identity in the eye's of the Father. While we were discussing that topic, I, with no real hurry, sat back in my chair and thought to myself "I wonder what my new name will be?" God spoke ...He answered... "Rocco." "I gave you that name long before you were a thought in your father or mother's mind. I put that name on their lips." "That is who you are."

Up till then there was only a few times I heard the Father's voice like that. I was in awe, and yet, disappointed. Why couldn't it be something cool like all these other guys who were getting names like Excalibur, Evergood, Highlander? Why "Rocco", I have had that name my whole life? Don't get me wrong, I've always been proud of it, even though I got picked on alot for it.

So I thought I knew what my name means. Rocco = rock, right? Nothing wrong with that. Solid, strong, not easily swayed. But I thought there must be something more, something the Father wants me to know. I really started to dig deep for the meaning. After about a full day of digging - I found the following:

http://www.aboutnames.ch/HMR.htm
Language of origin: Old High German
Info about origin: from the Old High German name 'Roho' which was a short form of names like 'Rochbert' that are all but forgotten today
Words: rohon = to roar, to shout a battle cry
Variants: Rocco Italian

http://www.babynamesworld.com/meaning_of_Rocco.html
Meaning: Battle cry; rest
Origin: Germanic
Additional info: From the Latinised Rochus; in origin a Germanic name. It could be from either the Gothic 'hrukjan', Old German 'rohôn', 'to shout' - so 'battle cry' or from the Germanic 'hrok' - 'rest'.

http://www.namespedia.com/index.php/Rocco
Name: Rocco - Germanic
Gender: Masculine
location: Unknown location
Language: German
Thematic: Unknown Thematic
Meaning: War Cry; Battle Cry

The first time I read the first definition listed, God said "Rohon, You are My Warrior! You Will cry out for Me!" (Man, my body still tingles every time I remember that.) Wow! Validation from the creator of the universe, the Almighty God, our heavenly Father. The answer to my questions - "You are Loved! I Love you!" "You are a Man!" "You do have what it takes!" "You have so much to offer!" "I am at war and I need you!" - God.

The lifetime of doubt, shame, lies from satan, agreements made to the enemy (conscious and subconscious) that hovered over my life - GONE. God consumed it with the Fire of His words and it all crumbled to the ground like ash.

Jer 20:10 - 13 [ESV]
10. For I hear many whispering. Terror is on every side! "Denounce him! Let us denounce him!" say all my close friends, watching for my fall. "Perhaps he will be deceived; then we can overcome him and take our revenge on him." 11. But the LORD is with me as a dread warrior; therefore my persecutors will stumble; they will not overcome me. They will be greatly shamed, for they will not succeed. Their eternal dishonor will never be forgotten. 12. O LORD of hosts, who tests the righteous, who sees the heart and the mind, let me see your vengeance upon them, for to you have I committed my cause. 13. Sing to the LORD; praise the LORD! For he has delivered the life of the needy from the hand of evildoers.

Joel 3:10 [ESV]
Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears; let the weak say, "I am a warrior."



I AM GOD'S WARRIOR! HEAR MY CRY!!

Rohon!

Do you know who you are? Really know? Leave a comment and tell us who you are!

Fathered by the Father...

I had a conversation with the Father the other day. it wasn't over some big life changing event, like what college do I go to, who do I marry, etc. It was over some every day common thing.

I have been looking for a new(er) vehicle lately because I am driving 15 and 24 year old cars. I have a stash of cash saved up from, work bonuses, and tax returns. I have spent months researching what to buy at Consumer Reports and MSN Autos. I finally found what I was looking for from a dealer in Toledo (2 hours from my house). The day I planed to go up there and check it out I was slammed with attacks from satan. That was no real surprise, I knew it was coming and why, the attack was at my heart, its 'goodness' and 'character'. "There is better things you need to spend this money on.", "This isn't the best type of vehicle for you." were the two major attacks all day. There was also some attacking from not so obvious directions, work was a real pain that day and the day before. One major issue unresolved would end up that 1000+ employees would not get a paycheck this week. By the end of the day I was frazzled.

Finally on the way home from work, a little overwhelmed, I thought I should call my ally and ask for prayer. Before I called, I reminded myself who I am in the Father's eyes, that I have a good heart, and I researched the crap out of this decision. That the Father gives me desires to follow, and wants to grant me those desires as I 'live' for/towards them. Right then God said "It's ok Rocco. You are right, I want you to have this." "Let's go get it." Wow! I was instantly cryin'.

I have heard the Father before, just in life changing events, nothing as simple as daily life decisions. This was awesome! But that wasn't all...

When we got there and started looking over the vehicle the Father showed up again, like it was my earthly father there helping me look this thing over 'fathering' me through buying a vehicle. "Look over here Rocco." "Look at this paint overspray, looks like they are hiding something" "Check this out. See that rust?" "Look under here, see that oil, that's not good." "That didn't sound good when it started." "Don't settle for this, there's a better one out there for you."

It was so freakin' awesome!

Not only that, Sandy and I had a total of four hours to drive to look at this vehicle, and we had a great time, talking about how God showed up for this, and sharing with each other! It was beautiful!!

Thanks Dad!
Rocco

Breaking more Agreements…

This happened at work last week, it is funny how God will come when you least expect it, sometimes wishing He would wait for a more convenient time for you (I had to hide in the server room while I cried after this)…

A friend told me he was going to buy us some tobacco pipes to try. I was bummed because he wouldn’t tell me what kind he was going to get. I tried to not worry about it, trying to just blow it off.

Then while I was sitting at work trying not to fret about it…

God asked me, “Is his Heart good?” “Do you trust his Heart?” “Then what are you so anxious about?” Ouch! That was it, deep down inside there was this lack of trust. I didn’t want to not trust him, and I thought I did. There was the Father’s voice “Don’t you trust his Heart?” I know how He communicates to me, He was saying that “You don’t trust his heart”.

Then the Father revealed something…

…My whole life I have hated getting surprise gifts, especially when someone would tell me they are getting me something and I had to wait for it. I think it has something to do with the fact that when I was a kid it always ended up being something like hand me down socks and underwear. Granted, they had less holes and stains then my current ones, but it always fell short of my expectations.

God shown me that deep down inside, there are still some agreements to be broken. Now most were made as an effect from my shitty childhood. (Aren’t they all?) But there they laid, quietly, in the dark, affecting even my relationships with Good Hearted, Spirit-Filled friends.

Agreements broke! Wounds healing!

You see, even a year now into the Wild at Heart message, God is still Fathering me, healing wounds, helping me break agreements. The beauty of being on a journey with the Father.

Wow, sweet Liberty!! Thank you Dad.

I Love you Brother (you know who you are).

Rohon!

The Battle Rages On...

That was funny, I was just getting started to write this when my oldest daughter comes up to me, asking to work together on getting lunch ready. Right there satan started in with his arrows “you ain’t got time for that, you got to post this blog” - Jerk - So I went into the kitchen with her and we got some lunch on!

Anyway to the post…

This has been an eventful week for me. Monday there was a leak in an office soaking some network equipment, taking two days to get it back online. Wednesday I worked with a consultant to upgrade a major application. Before that though, Tuesday as I was making sure some prerequisites where complete on one of the servers, I found Windows was all fubar’d, I had to re-build it from scratch.

A good thing in the midst of that though was God met my wife Sandy and I as we were reading through Sacred Romance together. (read all about that here.) So by Thursday, I was emotionally, mentally, and physically tiered. I was in a “fog”.

I did some talking with the Father and battling with the enemy, but the fog was still there. By late afternoon I was finally able to find the phone through the fog (mystically speaking), to call an ally. We talked and prayed, eventually discovering the key attack of the enemy. It all started to made sense! The sun came out, the Fog lifted, and the mist cleared. It was good.

You see, earlier in the week Sandy encouraged me to have some friends over since she was going to be out with the girls. I sent an invite, and all week I got “sorry can’t make it” or no response at all. The lies sneaked in unnoticed - “No one’s going to come. They don’t even read your email. Who would want to waste their time with you?” Even from work the lies were there - “If you were better at your job, non of these things would break”. Satan was working all week to soften me up and attack me at my weakest point. He knows that the Father has been healing the deepest wound of my heart this past year; Validation. I was caught off guard, satan hasn’t attacked that area in a long time…

It didn’t finally come together until later that night, when Sandy and I got back into Sacred Romance. Three paragraphs in I read…

…”In fact,” we continue, “if I am not pursued, it must be because there is something wrong with me, something dark and twisted inside.” We long to be known and we fear it like nothing else.

Yes, I have had great healing in my heart, being validated as a man by the Father. But just like how fleshly wounds leave scars, scars that are sensitive to the touch. That scar was attacked this week by satan.

As I laid in bed, my Father spoke…”I know who you are, I love who you are”. Wow, Thanks Dad.